This Isn't Going To Work
by annasaurus-rex
Summary: Snape is using Hermione for his own pleasure. But how pleasurable is it really, having to deny his feelings?
1. Just His Release

It was like nothing she had ever felt. He didn't feel _human_. He breathed heavily but he didn't moan or gasp like she longed to. She unbuttoned his shirt roughly, exploring his smooth, untouched body. He was not gentle; he was filled with burning anger and passion.

Their mouths broke contact as he entered her. She ground her hips into his as they moved together, thrusting into the wall. As she felt her body screaming for release, she cried out, but he quickly covered her mouth with his. He thrust into her once more before she came, and she screamed louder than before- this time he couldn't quieten her. He managed to keep holding her to the wall as she shuddered violently, riding out the waves of her orgasm. As she felt him climax after her, tears stung her eyes as he bit her lip violently. The taste of blood filled her mouth as he quickly let go of her.

_Why do you always have to leave so quickly?_

She knew he felt nothing for her. That was the only thing that upset her, the lack of love, the end, when she had to admit she was just a release for him. And she always felt worse when they had finished.


	2. Can't Do This Anymore

_**Snape's POV**_

_It's wrong. I know it's wrong. So why do I still do it? _

_I don't know. I guess it's just impossible to control my feelings for her. I _cannot_ let her see how I really feel. It would make this even more complicated than it already, and it's damned complicated for me already. _

_Firstly, she's 18. Secondly, she's my student. And she loves me. I know it, I can feel it in her touch, hear it in her screams. I see the way she looks at me, and I have to look away, because I cannot let myself mirror that look of longing she wears. _

_I have to look away. I have to leave her, sated but unhappy. I have to pretend there is nothing I would do for her, and I have to make her think I would hurt her. Though I never would._

**

Hermione sighed as she was knocked into _again_, deciding it would be easier to just stand to the side of the corridor while a crowd of first years came rushing past. She rolled her eyes and let out a deep breath, when she noticed Snape appear from round the corner at the end of the corridor. She wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk to her, so she pretended to be walking in his direction so he would have a chance.

"Miss Granger," he said quietly as he passed, subtly reaching out for her arm and steering her into a nearly empty classroom.

"Professor, I-" she started, but he cut her off with a kiss. He ran his hands through her hair, and was about to take the folders out of her hands when a door slamming close by brought them back to reality fast.

"Hermione, I'm not sure that I can do this anymore," Snape closed his eyes, so as not to see the sadness she was trying to hide in her face.

"Why? I mean, well, whatever. I don't really care... whatever you want," she mumbled, staring at the legs of the desk behind him.

"Come and see me tonight. Seven o'clock. We'll talk about this."


	3. Let Yourself Feel

Hermione closed her eyes, took a deep breath and knocked on the intimidating dungeon door she stood facing. There was no answer. Was that a good thing? Heart racing, she was about to leave when she heard something drop.

"Come in," he called, sounding flustered, but managing to look his usual menacing self when she pushed open the great door.

"Ah, Miss Granger... Hermione, have a seat," he gestured to one of two black leather armchairs. He sat down in the other and stared at the stone floor awkwardly. He was almost grateful when she broke the silence.

"Umm, Professor, I was just wondering... if, maybe, everything's ok?" Hermione stuttered, not knowing why she had asked, and slightly scared as to what the answer was going to be.

"Yes... yes, everything's fine," he muttered, "Actually, Hermione, I've been thinking. We can't- I can't do this anymore."

He had to force himself to be insensitive as he said this. He could not have feelings for this girl. This could ruin his life. _Remember what happened last time you fell in love, _he thought to himself.

"No," he said, getting up from his armchair, "we can't do it. Please leave, Miss Granger."

He watched, as the shadow of a frown flickered across her face, to be masked by indifference. She got up, and without saying a word, walked out of his office and closed the door gently behind her.

**

Snape laid his head on the pillow, sighing heavily. He always tried to mask his emotions. In that way, he was a lot like Hermione. But masking feelings didn't stop them from happening, if only you let yourself feel. And as Snape let himself feel, a single tear slid across his cheek and landed on his pillow.


	4. Don't Speak

Two weeks passed, uneventfully but miserably, for both Hermione and Snape. Potions lessons were cold, although admittedly no colder than Snape's preferred appearance, so this wasn't a matter of concern for anybody but the two of them. He could not bring himself to say her name, or even look at her, for fear that he would see what he could not pretend to miss.

***

_**Hermione's POV**_

_He hasn't marked my work _again._ Just put an 'A' at the bottom. I'd rather he read it, even if I failed. Why does he hate me so much? What have I done wrong? As soon as the lesson finishes he rushes away, into his office, and doesn't open the door when I knock. _

_I only want to know why._

_**Snape's POV**_

_I saw her check her work for comments. But I couldn't bring myself to read it. She would get an A anyway, why put myself through the pain of thinking about her even more? This is so stupid, and I know it. But what else am I supposed to do? I can't let her believe that we could ever be together, but I have to force myself not to believe it as well._

_I don't know what to do._

_***_

"Class dismissed," Snape said callously. As the rest of the class pushed their stools under the table, Hermione noticed that Snape had not yet left. He was sitting at his desk, trying to clear up some permanent ink he had spilled there a few moments before.

He saw Hermione linger, and spoke without thinking.

"Miss Granger, come here."

She shuffled up to his desk, biting her lip. What would he want with her now?

"Hermione... I think I love you," he said, suddenly widening his eyes, looking embarrassed. _Why the hell did I say that? _he thought, shaking his head in disbelief at his audacity. "Well, I don't mean... you know... I don't know. Just go, actually, please just go."

"Don't speak," Hermione said gently, walking round his desk. She kissed him, and he kissed her back, and it was like they'd never kissed before. He couldn't breathe but he didn't want to breathe. He couldn't think, but he didn't need to think. This was all he'd thought about for weeks, and he never wanted it to end.


	5. I Just Overslept

That was the first time they spent the night together. In the morning, Snape woke first, although he had no idea what time it was. He nudged Hermione, thinking it would be best if they got up early, so it wouldn't be suspicious and she could get back to her dorm in time to pretend she had been in her own bed.

"Yeah, "she mumbled, turning round to face him.

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Umm... yeah... it's twenty to ten," she said, half asleep, then, realising what that meant, she sat up and cursed under her breath.

"Oh my God," Snape whispered, climbing out of bed to find clothes.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. _Shit_, Snape thought, _how could I have let this happen? _

"Quick! Get under the bed!" he hissed at Hermione, who did not waste any time in grabbing her clothes and hiding under the bed.

When Snape looked half decent, he walked over to the door calmly and opened it. It was Dumbledore.

"Good morning, Severus. Sorry to intrude, but I came to see if you were alright? Having missed breakfast and all?" He said, looking behind Snape at his office, to see any signs of Snape _not _being alright.

"Oh yeah, I'm really sorry, I just overslept. And felt a bit ill," Snape added, to make sure Dumbledore would be sympathetic rather than angry.

"Are you alone?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Umm... yes. Why wouldn't I be?" Snape said, trying to sound offended but merely sounding suspicious.

"Oh, it just looks as though you weren't the only person in your bed last night, Severus."

"What? Oh... well, I probably just moved around a lot. Perhaps?" He said, moving in front of Dumbledore to block his view of the bed.

"Well, if you're sure. Here's your post, anyway. I collected it for you at breakfast. You'll be alright to teach your lessons today, won't you? I know you had a free this morning, but if you're unwell, do make sure you go and see Madam Pomfrey. Good day." Dumbledore left with a smile.

Snape closed the door and leaned against it, taking deep breaths. Hermione came out from underneath the bed, with her eyes wide open, looking terrified.

"You should... probably go," Snape managed to say to her, completely panicked.


	6. Why Would You Even Care?

Hermione walked around in a daze for the rest of the day. Snape had finally given in to his feelings, feelings which she didn't know he had. She was hoping to meet him in the corridor, to apologise for something she wasn't quite sure of. But she didn't know if he would let that happen. After all, if anyone found out... They would both be in serious trouble.

However, at dinner, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Snape?" Hermione asked Ginny, craning her neck to see the staff table over the sea of heads.

"No idea. Why would you even care?" Ginny answered suspiciously, spooning potatoes on to her plate.

"Umm... No reason. I just wanted to give him... some homework," Hermione attempted to sound unconcerned but was worried all the same.

As she was eating her treacle sponge, Hermione remembered that Snape had lied to Dumbledore that morning, saying that he felt ill. _He's probably still playing that up, _Hermione thought, _so nobody will be suspicious about this morning._

**

After dinner, Hermione went down to Snape's office and knocked on the door. There was no reply. She shouted his name but there was only silence. After about ten minutes she gave up, realising that if he _was_ going to answer he would have answered already.

_What if he is actually ill?_ she worried. _He could be in the hospital wing or something._

Running down the stairs to the hospital wing, she saw Madam Pomfrey locking the door to the dorm, ready to settle down for the night in her room.

"Madam Pomfrey!" Hermione said, just loud enough for the matron to hear her.

"Miss Granger. Are you alright? What can I do for you?" she said kindly.

"Have you seen Professor Snape?" Hermione panted as she approached.

"No, sorry dear. I haven't seen him since yesterday. What did you want him for?"

"Oh... it's nothing. Thanks anyway," Hermione turned and walked round the corner, to lean against the wall and think.

_I shouldn't even care. He might have just gone on a trip or something. This is not my problem. He's probably fine anyway. _

_Probably._


	7. Do You Understand?

Snape had not been at breakfast, _or_ Potions first lesson. Professor McGonagall had sat with them to do questions from their Potions textbook. Nobody asked why Snape wasn't there, because nobody _cared_ why Snape wasn't there. Except Hermione.

At the end of the lesson, Hermione caught Professor McGonagall on her way out of the dungeons.

"Professor, I was just wondering, if you could tell me, please... where Professor Snape is?"

"I'm afraid I don't know Miss Granger. You would have to ask Professor Dumbledore if you really wanted to know." Professor McGonagall frowned over the top of her glasses but did not say any more.

"Please could you tell me the password for Professor Dumbledore's office?" Hermione said, innocence masking the urgency in her voice.

"It's Nosebleed Nougat. The Headmaster is amused by the new range of Weasley products," she scowled, as if this was inappropriate, "I must go now, Miss Granger."

**

"Nosebleed Nougat!" Hermione said firmly to the gargoyles outside the Headmaster's office.

They leapt aside and the wall split. Behind it was a stone staircase, moving upwards. Hermione climbed up the steps and knocked on the oak door at the top.

"Come in," Professor Dumbledore said, looking up from a document on his desk. "Ah, Miss Granger, what can I do for you?"

"Professor, I was just wondering where Professor Snape was. I know it's probably not a big deal or anything... I just wanted to check he was alright."

"Miss Granger, please sit down. I am going to tell you something which I do not want you to repeat to anyone else, do you understand?"

She nodded. He carried on speaking, looking grave.

"Professor Snape... well, he's gone."


	8. I Cannot Imagine Why

"What? You mean- he's dead?" Hermione exclaimed, gripping the arms of the chair.

"No. No, he's not dead. But he _has_ disappeared. No warning- he didn't tell anybody where he was going."

"He ran away?"

"Most likely. However... I cannot imagine why. He has never been the type to 'run away' from situations, or people. Miss Granger, please do not tell anybody this information, as I have told you in confidence. It is strange that you would notice his disappearance already... Is there anything you wish to tell me?"

Hermione shook her head, stunned. Snape had run away? Why? Was it because of her? Was it her fault?

"Professor? If he's out there somewhere, couldn't you just send an owl to him or something? Surely there are ways of finding people."

"Yes. There are ways. But there are reasons people leave, Miss Granger. I fear trying to contact him after such a short absence would only push him further away, make him more determined to isolate himself. He may have already made himself untraceable. There are countless possibilities. But yes, when the time is right, I may attempt to contact him."


	9. He Would Come Back

"... and then I've got Quidditch practice, and that essay for Flitwick, the assignment for McGonagall, and _then_ I've got detention with Flitwick at 8. I didn't even write that stupid note!" Harry collapsed into a chair by the fire, "_And_ I've got to clean Hedwig's cage out, and that's disgusting."

"I'll clean Hedwig's cage for you, if you like," Hermione said absentmindedly, staring at the flames.

"Really? Thanks a lot, Hermione. It's in my dorm. I collected some newspapers from breakfast so you can just line the bottom of the cage with them. Actually, I need to get my Quidditch stuff- I'll bring it down for you," he said rushing off in the direction of the boy's dormitories.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Ron asked, moving to sit in the armchair next to Hermione.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine thanks. I'm just really tired, that's all. How are you?" Hermione made herself look up from the fire.

"I'm really tired. And I have so much work to do! I can't believe how much Flitwick gave us. And Quidditch practice in the rain, it's a nightmare!" Ron sighed dramatically and watched Hermione's face for a sign of sympathy.

"Don't worry, you'll be great, you always are," Hermione consoled him.

They were interrupted by Harry returning with Hedwig's cage.

"Here's the cage and the newspapers. Thanks, Hermione."

"No problem."

Hermione watched as Harry and Ron climbed through the portrait hole with their broomsticks. She was now the only person left in the common room, and it gave her time to think. She reached for Hedwig's cage and put it on the table in front of her.

She got her wand out and vanished the owl droppings from the bottom of the cage. She then reached for the newspaper and began tearing it up into strips. Until something caught her eye.

It was a very small article in the corner of a page about some released dragons. She wouldn't have noticed it was there if 'Hogwarts' wasn't in the title.

'_Hogwarts teacher goes missing in the dead of night', _she read. _Professor Severus Snape, Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, mysteriously disappeared on the night of June 4__th__. His house has been searched, as have other places deemed the most likely for the Professor to be residing at. He has not replied to owls which have been sent addressed to him._

Hermione could not read on. There were only a few more lines, but they could not tell her anything she did not already know or could guess. He had gone.

Why would he have left so suddenly? Was it a coincidence that it happened after they slept together?

**

Hermione laid her head against the pillow. Tears were rolling down her cheeks silently but she did her best to ignore them. She could not do anything about this. She was going to have to accept she couldn't make him come back, and she definitely wasn't going to find him. He would come back when he was ready.

**A/N- Thanks for reading =) The next chapter is going to be one year later... I hope that's not a really stupid idea! Please forgive me! **


	10. Seen That Face Before

**A/N- I'm not sure if I like this chapter. I've possibly moved too fast? I wasn't going to put it up but then I thought, what the heck, it's my story. You don't have to read it if you don't want to!  
**

** But anyway... I hope you like it, and if you don't, forgive me =) **

ONE YEAR LATER

"Hey! Hermione!" Harry called across the hall. Hermione turned round and almost knocked into an old man carrying a box of files.

"Oops, sorry. Hi Harry. What are you doing down on this floor?"

"I came to see you. Molly wants to invite you to dinner tonight. She doesn't trust muggle supermarket food. She thinks you should eat some proper food every once in a while." Harry grinned.

"I can't, I'm working tonight. Maybe at the weekend or something?" Hermione looked apologetic.

"I didn't know you had a job. What are you doing?"

"It's just in a pub. I need an income while the Ministry's training me, don't I?" she smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so. What pub is it?"

"It's a muggle pub, The White Lion."

"Sounds interesting. I might call in some time," he smiled and moved in for a hug," I'll see you around, yeah? I'll owl you about dinner on Sunday."

Hermione nodded, smiled sadly and watched Harry step into a fire. As he turned on the spot, she also turned, and apparated to her flat.

Although Hermione loved living on her own, she couldn't help but feel a bit left out. The Weasleys always had someone around, even if it was just an annoying brother. It was still company. They had people to stop them going crazy. And although she was still best friends with Harry and Ron, they were 'related' now, still part of the same big family. Hermione had no-one. She had chosen to live in a muggle flat, turning down offers to join her friends in a wizarding part of London. She was happiest when she was living in both worlds. After all, she was a part of both worlds. She visited her parents every other weekend, and it was important for her to still feel a part of that. During the week she was at the Ministry, completing her Auror training. It was a great life, she told herself, but there was something missing.

She turned the keys in her door and switched the lights on. She picked up the post off the door mat and collapsed into a chair. It was only five o'clock and she was shattered. It was going to be a long night.

**

Hermione could not help but glance at the clock every few minutes. She only had forty five minutes until she got off her shift at 10, but watching the clock made every second feel like an hour.

The pub was dark and dingy, not the kind of place that she would meet anyone she knew, which she liked. Smoke filled the air, and although at first it made her cough, she was used to it. She liked the anonymity of muggle London. She could be herself. There was no need to worry about what people thought of her, because they were doing the same things, if not worse.

The door chimed as it was pushed open weakly, by a man in a black cloak who slipped quietly to the table in the corner. Hermione thought nothing of this, as this was a common place for dodgy characters, but when he took his hood down, something struck her. She had seen that face before. She squinted through the smoke, wanting to make sure, but she did not doubt herself.

"_Snape?" _she whispered.


	11. Moments You Regret

It had to be him. It's hard to forget the face you fell in love with. Hermione could recognise that face anywhere, although it was obvious he had not even attempted to look presentable. Even through the dim lighting of the pub, Hermione could tell he was wearing dirty muggle clothes, and he had a look of general unkemptness about him. Apparently he did not come in the bar to get a drink, for his actions did not suggest he was going to stand up at the bar.

She made to move towards him, shuffling round the bar to his table, but she stopped when she heard a sharp voice behind her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I was just... umm... going to collect some glasses from that table," she lied, knowing she wouldn't get to talk to Snape at all while Adriana was breathing down her neck. She would have to go and speak to him when she got off her shift.

"And why would you do that? You're not being paid to collect glasses. That's Emilia's job. You are being paid to stand behind this bar. Understand?"

Hermione nodded. She was too intrigued with Snape to let an interfering boss faze her. She had so much she wanted to ask him. Where had he gone after he disappeared? Why did he do it? How did he manage to hide for so long? Did he still love her like he said he did?

He stood up as Hermione was serving her last customer of the evening.

"Shit," Hermione muttered, as she resumed staring at the now empty corner. She couldn't leave the bar right after him- she had to collect her coat and sign out from the stupid staff book. It was just one of those things, she told herself. Like the stories grandparents tell their grandchildren. These potentially life-changing moments, where you don't act. Moments you regret forever.

**

Even if he came back the next day, Hermione wasn't working that night. She didn't want to go and sit in the bar all by herself, because she had seen for herself what kind of creepy men went there. She would check he wasn't inside then stand around outside. Invisible, of course. She wasn't stupid enough to make herself a victim. She knew there was only a slim chance of him returning to the pub, and if he didn't show up then she knew she would be embarrassed. All the same, she went ahead with her plan, performing a disillusionment charm on herself so she could stand in the shadows outside.

Luckily it was a warm night. Hermione stood with her back against the wall of the pub, breathing as quietly as she could. The people leaving the pub would be too drunk to hear her, or even care, but she didn't want to take any chances. After about an hour, Hermione was ready to give up, but from behind the bushes a figure staggered, making its way towards her. Long black hair and a hooked nose confirmed to Hermione that Snape was standing in front of her.

"Snape," she whispered gently, ridding herself of the disillusionment charm. He looked around confusedly.

"Talking... talking to me?" He replied, widening his eyes.

"Yeah. Severus, it's me, Hermione."

"Hermione," he repeated, thinking carefully, "I don't know anyone called Hermione. I don't know anyone, really. Do you want a drink?"

"No thank you! You look awful; you probably shouldn't be drinking right now. Look, come back to my flat and we'll sort you out, okay?"

**A/N- So... yeah. If you don't like it, please tell me why so I can make it better =). If you did like it, please tell me!! x**


	12. And I Loved You

He walked slowly and breathed heavily. If Hermione wasn't so shocked that she had found him, then she might have been scared. But she knew what she was going to do.

She reached for her keys out of her handbag and turned them in the door. Snape was facing the other direction, looking around. She grabbed his arm and gently steered him into her flat.

"Sit down on the sofa over there, yeah? I'll just get you a cup of tea," she said, setting her bag and coat on the table.

"Granger," he whispered, a few minutes later.

"Granger?" she asked, setting a steaming mug of tea beside him.

"Hermione Granger."

"Me?"

"You? Oh yes, Hermione Granger. Hermione... what's my name?"

"Snape. Severus Snape," she told him, thoroughly confused. She knew something was wrong, and she was happy to help him, but she hadn't anticipated that it would be _this_ wrong.

He screwed his face up and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Professor?"

"Yeah, Professor Snape, at Hogwarts. Can you not remember?"

He closed eyes and shook his head. "I did it wrong. I did the spell wrong. It doesn't work if you point the wand at yourself. I should have known... I was trying to forget. I was trying to forget _you._ I used _Obliviate_. It didn't work. So I tried to forget. I emptied my mind. But I still remembered... you."

Hermione was stunned. He had gone to _forget_ her? She had guessed that it was her fault he had left, but she thought he had run away, to return one day. She thought he would start again, disguise himself, and have a new life. But, she thought, how could it be so simple? Nothing is ever that simple. Especially when feelings are involved.

"I even forgot your name, later on. But I dreamed of you _all the time_. Your face..." He pulled some crumpled papers out of his pocket. There were hand drawn pictures, some of trees and buildings, but most of them were of her.

"So what can you remember now?"

"I was a teacher. And I loved you. And I ran away. I don't remember much since then, I messed up the spell and I messed with my head. I just- I still love you, Hermione."


End file.
